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 CHUCK NORRIS!

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pwndcube
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PostSubject: CHUCK NORRIS!   Tue Apr 08, 2008 9:13 pm

Post your "jokes"(used very roughly, can be fake or true) here: Chuck Norris just recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. we now know this as Red Bull
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Methenfedamin
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Tue Apr 08, 2008 9:16 pm

Chuck Norris went to the virgin islands .... when he came back they were just The Islands
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Tue Apr 08, 2008 9:30 pm

Allright Meth, lets lay off some.. We have some pretty young users here who I bet would like to know why that's funny.
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Tue Apr 08, 2008 9:32 pm

oh yeah .... hahha ..... sorry ... how bout ..... Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he never cries
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Tue Apr 08, 2008 9:42 pm

is mine ok?
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Tue Apr 08, 2008 10:11 pm

Alright i keep these around my favs.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Tue Apr 08, 2008 10:13 pm

Stonato wrote:
Alright i keep these around my favs.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

These are the best!
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Methenfedamin
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Tue Apr 08, 2008 10:34 pm

you camping b***ch! its a lagitimate strategy
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Tue Apr 08, 2008 10:45 pm

When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Tue Apr 08, 2008 10:49 pm

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.


Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.



Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Tue Apr 08, 2008 10:53 pm

Want the list of all the things Chuck Norris killed? Look at the extinct species list.
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Tue Apr 08, 2008 10:55 pm

chuck norris doesnt dodge bullets, bullets dodge chuck norris
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Tue Apr 08, 2008 11:49 pm

Chuck norris dosent sleep on a bed he sleeps on a bed of nails.
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Wed Apr 09, 2008 12:10 am

Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land

Chuck Norris went to Burger King and ordered a Big Mac.............he got one

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.


Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Wed Apr 09, 2008 12:18 am

I posted two of those lol
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Wed Apr 09, 2008 6:35 am

Methenfedamin wrote:
chuck norris doesnt dodge bullets, bullets dodge chuck norris
ROFL.nooo he uses pie to dode bullets
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Wed Apr 09, 2008 3:30 pm

I don't know any Chuck jokes. My friend told me this one though.

Live by the sword, die by the sword.
Live by Chuck Norris, die by a roundhouse kick to the face.
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Wed Apr 09, 2008 4:30 pm

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin...that he built with his own hands.
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Wed Apr 09, 2008 9:41 pm

These two are lame, but:

Chuck Norris knows the square root of negative one.

Whenever Chuck Norris looks Medusa in they eyes, it turns to stone. Then he roundhouse kicks it.
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Wed Apr 09, 2008 9:48 pm

CHUCK NORRISS is such a bad @55 he makes himself look like a *cat sound effect*
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Thu Apr 10, 2008 1:42 am

Chuck Norris dosent eat only bathes in the blood of his enemies for nutrients.
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Thu Apr 10, 2008 6:58 pm

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.

Chuck Norris didn't wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris doesn't step away from the vehicle. The vehicle steps away from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' facial hair is known to cut diamonds.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

There was only one man ever to outsmart Chuck Norris, Steven Hawking, he got what he deserved.

Although it is not common knowledge, there three sides of the force, the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it
notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed
in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.

When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing
around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his
own head.

A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon.

Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Sun Apr 13, 2008 12:55 pm

These may have been said before because I didn't bother to rad the whole list.

-Chuck Norris sued NBC for infringing on the copyright name of his left and right leg, Law and Order.
-Chuck Norris can count to infinity...twice.
-Chuck Norris can divide by zero
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Fri Apr 18, 2008 9:58 pm

lol, all of those were said, tactician!

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.



I made it.
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PostSubject: Re: CHUCK NORRIS!   Sun Apr 20, 2008 7:19 pm

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris cannot see. When he opens his eyes, everything is obliterated BEYOND a singularity (Infinitely Small).
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